Sometimes she still comes into my thoughts. I mean, it’s been almost 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking. Maybe it’s weird that she still comes into my head. But I think that when you care about someone as much as I did for her, and was in love with her, and vice versa, you really never forget that you felt that way about another person. That she had such an affect on my life. She was almost a constant part of it, for a year. In that year’s time, we got so close with each other and I cared about her so much. To the point where I thought my heart was going to burst with all the strong things I was feeling for her, and she felt the same for me.
Even though she’s out there still, a real person, she’s kind of turned into a memory for me. A happy one. I can’t really bring myself to think about the bad times that happened between us. The good moments where I was my happiest I was in a long time are the ones stick out. And now that I think about it, I wouldn’t have changed any of it for the world.
It’s sad that we parted ways eventually. I think that being single sometimes gives me the opportunity to think about these kinds of things. I think it’s because that even though I might not realize it, I want to be close to someone like that again. Through our parting though, I’ve learned a lot about not only myself, but how relationships work. She and I was the first serious relationship I had ever been in. I feel like I’ve made a lot of mistakes because of my desire to be close to someone. I’ve ended up pushing a lot of girls who cared about me away because I got too attached, or was just too into it. That’s given me the chance to realize that you can’t force anything, and things just have to happen on their own. Sure, there’s things you can do to move things along, but letting things go at their own pace is the best choice.
Seems like I’m writing a fucking essay here, but this has all been going around in my head all day, and I felt like it was time to write it down.
got to the second date on OkCupid with this girl, and that night, she sent me the generic, “it’s not you, it’s me” text- “I don’t want you to feel like you did anything wrong at all, cuz you didn’t! You’re SUCH a great guy. But I don’t think it’s gonna work out. Loved getting to know you, and I totally wish you well — and thanks for everything (including being normal).”